Friday, August 12, 2011
6 months ago today, you made me whole. I can't even begin to describe the feeling I had when they placed you in my arms. Relief (that birth was over that you were ok), joy, pain (man it physically hurt to bring you here), excitement, fear, thankfulness..... I think I felt every emotion all in a rush and all at once. Since then, I have also felt every emotion. Relief after your first sickness was over, joy from just looking at you, pain when we had to stop breastfeeding, excitement to see you reach milestones, fear that something might hurt you, thankfulness to God every single time I look at you. Every inch of you is perfect, your hands, your eyes, your big bright smile, your sweet little feet, that adorable giggle.... I am still in awe that God would trust me with such a beautiful life. I wish that I could always keep you safe and protect you from the world. I wish that I could invent some way to make sure that you would never get sick, never have your feelings hurt, and always be protected from harm. That is one thing that was nice about being pregnant with you, I knew that you were always protected from this ugly world. But, then you came into the world, and it wasn't such an ugly place. You make my world bright. You give me a reason to be. It all makes sense now. Everything I ever questioned is answered just by looking at your sweet little face. I want you to know, now and forever that your mommy loves you with all that she is. I will always love you.
Over the past 6 months you have learned to smile, grab toys, play, roll over, sit up on your own, sleep through the night, laugh, sing (yes sing.... it is the sweetest thing ever), stand with support, and so many other things. Over the next 6 months you will probably learn to crawl, say mama (oh it will be the best day of my life other than the day you were born), say dada, and maybe even walk. Watching you grow and learn has been my greatest privilege. Over the past 6 months you have taught me what true selfless love is, to trust myself, to laugh at myself, to let go of all inhibitions and just be a big goof ball, and most importantly.... to be a mother. You are my greatest gift. I thank God every day for you. I wanted you for so long. I always felt like something was missing, that I was not whole. Then, when I looked at that pregnancy test and saw those 2 lines.... that was it. The void was filled. I was a mother, and I thank you my baby M for giving me that. I love you and cannot wait to see what amazing adventures are ahead for the next 6 months. Before we know it, we will be throwing the biggest 1st birthday party the world has ever seen. :)